Mid week.

I love short weeks and God bless holiday weekends!! Two more days and its back to lounging around!

Today is going much better, although my boss was wringing his hands this morning, terrified I wouldn't get done what needed getting done to get this beast to the client. I looked at him like he had 3 heads. He even recruited another editor to help.....with WHAT I don't know. Sigh. Of course I got it out the door.....WITH TIME TO SPARE! BOO-YAH!

Hopefully he'll stop doubting me.........but I doubt it.

Tough Day.

3:00pm

I'd say I hate Mondays since its the first day back at work, but its actually a Tuesday and I am highly irritated today. First off, the top I am wearing is all stretched out and its making me look even fatter than I am. Nice. Whoever designed this in this fabric should be shot. Second, I am struggling with this trailer that is not working. All the changes my boss wants is spinning this thing into a dimension of shit that I've never seen before. Its not his fault though, we don't have the shot and dialog bites to pull them off and the more changes I make, the shittier this thing becomes. This is a classic moment where I want to CHECK THE FUCK OUT! I am frustrated, tired and antsy. We need to get this to the client today and I'm struggling to keep my head above the swirling mess that is dragging me down.

Translation? I WANT SOME FREAKIN SUGAR NOW!!! I want to become numb so I can soldier on and its difficult not to give in.

The Smell of Chocolate.

12:09pm

Never noticed the smell of chocolate so much until today. Marcia is in the kitchen here at work melting Ghiradelli's so she can dip fruit into it for our afternoon snack. Sheesh. The whole place smells like brownies and heres the twist, I have to eat 2 hardboiled eggs and an apple. Which sounds better? I love Marcia and I want to kill her all at the same time. Thank God they aren't actual brownies because that would be hard to say no to.

7:35pm

Crazy Day. I'm STILL at work. I've been cutting a new trailer for another Disney Channel movie. Been a rough day. Although I didn't have M&M's, I had some tortilla chips, chex mix and 2 chocolate covered strawberries. All in all its not horrible, but I feel bloated. I need to get home and have my shake, but not sure how much longer I will be here. Sucks trying to work the day before a 3 day weekend. Head is just....not.....in....it. But I still managed to get stuff done.

Sigh.

I'm tired.

Lots of triggers.

11:13am

Apparently it doesn't take much to trigger me these days. I just got an email this morning from the photographer who took pictures of all of us at the Fitness America event in Las Vegas last fall. I was tinier than I had ever been, was feeling really good.....until I saw the pics. They were horrible....and not because of the photog, but because my body is still holding a lot of chub and it tears me to pieces looking at the photos. I'm on the edge of tears right now because my body is nowhere near where I want it to be. :(

6:00pm

Good news, I made it through Day 2 of not caving in to temptation.

Gnawing.

1:07pm

After my bingefest yesterday, I woke up with a headache and although I'm not craving sugar TOO bad, I just want to dive in with both feet to swim in the land of sugar. This morning my doctor told me that I am actually allergic to sugar and therefore I react differently to it than most people. That'd make sense because when I eat sugar I get a very drunk feeling. There have been times when I think I shouldn't be driving because I can't focus and pay attention. Kinda scary. And yet I want it.....all....the......time. I'm trying to hold on to eat in 30 minutes, hoping that will kill the cravings.

2:00pm

Just had lunch.....with a Diet Coke. Not the best thing, but the buzz keeps my mind off....shhhh.