I have a headache today. You know how some days you feel like a rock star and other days you feel like you are living between the tread of someones shoe? Yea, the latter is my day today. I always love how when you are feeling good about things, life does something to drop you down a few pegs. Its like, you aren't allowed to feel good so life says, "Hey, F you. Here ya go, humble yerself out!" You'd think my 10 years of humbling from age 5-15 would have been enough where I suffered through bucked teeth, crossed eyes, greasy hair, zits and braces, but apparently, God has other plans.
I'm trying to eat better and take care of myself and actually LISTEN to what my body wants, but when I get knocked sideways, all listening and possible democracy about what my body wants goes out the window. It becomes a dictatorship of what my feelings want to hide behind.....and it sucks. What happened to me today was minor, but it involved my creativity and I fell very flat, so I'm beating myself up about it. I'm even embarrassed to admit what it was because its stupid, but I was hurt and now I'm beating myself up because I think that I should have pulled it off. I just know that a few people were an audience to my face flop and I'm feeling stupid that I didn't do better. I wished that I could have too because it would have meant some extra $$$.
Oh well, trying to let it go. I'll feel better when the project is done and I don't have to have it around me anymore.....reminding me of my failures!! So I'm going to try and use this blog as my way of releasing the pressure of my moments of weakness. Like the failure I just experienced. I need an outlet for that pain instead of eating. So I'm going to try this instead. Any time I feel crappy or like I want to eat something that wouldn't be in my best interest, I'm gonna write about whats going on instead. Hopefully this will help me. We'll see!
4:00pm:
I had some peanut M&M's. I didn't really want them, but I developed a headache about 2 hours ago that Tylenol and coffee weren't making go away. I assumed its because I'm detoxing from the monumental amount of sugar I ate this weekend. I think I was right because about a handful was all it took to bring the headache down to a tolerable level. Its still there, but its not as debilitating.
The upside is that we had pie and ice cream today at work to celebrate birthdays and I didn't have any. I know, I know, I ate M&M's but it was a lesser evil. The pie and ice cream was sure to put me to sleep. Small victories.
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